lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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