GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
