I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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