we made out on top of his cat.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
