either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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