Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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