i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
