maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
