is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
