mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
