I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
