I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
