Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
