let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I just sharted jello shots
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