Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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