she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize