i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
