we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
