It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
