do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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