I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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