Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
