Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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