Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
