tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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