I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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