Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
