the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
me + whiskey = a bad person
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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