Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
God, I missed his penis.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
