11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
