Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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