but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize