Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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