I bet he comes in French.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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