Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize