Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
