Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
