So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize