I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
