They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
