really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
