I want to make a zoo with you.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
