I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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