he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
