I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
