cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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