these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
