in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
