well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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