hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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