The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
