She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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