Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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