I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
