is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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