I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
