My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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