he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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