You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
