And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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