And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize