Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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