just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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