wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
