i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
