Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
