I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
