dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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