Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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