New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
