just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
