Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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