Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
