she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
