This girl is more easily done than said...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
