Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
