I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
