I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize