I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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