Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
