Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
