bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my being single is dangerous.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
