apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
