let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
