So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
