I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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