She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
