WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
