meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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