in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
