I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
