break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
