If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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