Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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