hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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