We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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