yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
