dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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