dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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