the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
