Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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