Your face is a jimmy john
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
