i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
