false alarm. still invincible.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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