Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We talked him into tasing himself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
