Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
